The Mental Health Impacts of Separation on Men

Matthew, FASS Team Leader, says that a relationship ending or not seeing children can be a breaking point.

“Men are not always good at coping with trauma and loss, sometimes turning to alcohol and other drugs as a crutch. These coping methods cause more issues for the relationships and escalate the risk factors for all involved.”

In his experience, Matthew says some men can turn to the internet or online threads to “justify or minimise” their actions, instead of considering their involvement in the problems.

“Our FASS workers provide a much healthier alternative, offering support through education, goal development, and referrals to community services and Legal Aid.”

How men can grow connections

In partnership with professional support, there are small steps people can take every day to foster their relationships – or even make new ones. Here’s some of Andrew’s tips:

• Understand the difference between being lonely and being alone: Being alone refers to the physical absence of others, while loneliness is about how you feel emotionally in relation to others. It’s possible to be alone without feeling lonely, just as it’s possible to be surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
• Review your connections: Look at your contacts and reflect on which friendships or family relationships you’d like to nurture. Think about who you know or connect with outside of work contacts. Take the initiative to reach out to those people and arrange a time to meet. Men often wait for others to initiate these connections, but it can be empowering to make the first move – it often means more to people than you might think.
• Have regular check-ins: Meaningful conversations often happen over a cup of coffee or during a walk together, but don’t discount long phone or video calls (as long as everyone’s focused and engaged).
• As a separated man, identify a support person(s): Find someone who can help you through this challenging time, but avoid turning to your lawyer for this emotional support. If you don’t immediately have someone, choose an experienced counsellor to bridge this divide as an interim measure.
• If you have children, try to connect with them in different ways: If you have less contact with your children, consider writing a journal or an ongoing letter to them expressing your feelings about your relationship and what it means to be their dad. Keep the tone respectful of the other parent, as they will likely read it later and appreciate it more if it doesn’t create division.
• Find shared interests: Men often bond over activities rather than deep conversations. If this is the case for you, try finding something that you can do with your friends, like hiking, instead of passive hangouts like watching sports or gaming.